Hold the Verdict

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LYRICS:
Truth be told… I know how I feel.
(Time, don’t—)
Truth be told… I know how I feel.
Truth be told, I know how I feel,
but the walls keep leaning in like they know my name.
Time, don’t punish me for sanding the blade,
for making this sharp thing dull enough to hold.
Spare my guilt for keeping it quiet—

I am not ready to gamble the ground I stand on.
Not tonight. Not with this tremor in my hands.
Believe me when I say I need you the most now.
Give me a breath that is mine.
Let my thoughts crawl into shape, messy, wrong, honest—
let them live before they’re judged.

Hold the verdict—don’t bury me yet.
I’m caught between the pulse and the panic.
I’ll come clean when I can stand it;
’til then keep the sirens quiet.
In due time I’ll drown in the weight of this—
I know the tide, I feel the bite—
but right now I need you close, and time on my side,
while I hide the evidence under my skin tonight.
Pull me from the static…
(not yet, not yet)
Pull me from the static.

Box under my bed with a name like a bruise,
notes unsent, a thousand almosts chewing through.
I rehearse in the mirror, it fogs—crime scene breath,
clock on the stove says “choose your death.”
If I speak it out loud, everything shifts,
if I swallow it down, it carves new rifts.
I’m a locked file folder with a ripped-out tab,
heart on the table, hand still holding it back.

Believe me when I say I need you the most now.
Give me one hallway with no eyes on me,
one minute where the sky doesn’t ask for proof,
where I can be broken without being caught.

Hold the verdict—don’t bury me yet.
I’m caught between the pulse and the panic.
I’ll come clean when I can stand it;
’til then keep the sirens quiet.
In due time I’ll pay for the truth I’m hiding—
I feel the bill, it’s signed in light—
but right now I need you close, and time on my side,
while I hide the evidence under my skin tonight.

I am not brave enough to name it love,
not numb enough to call it nothing.
So I hover, half-bloom, half-burn,
holding my breath like it might break if I let it go.
Time—please. Don’t swing the hammer yet.
Give me one more beat before the fall.

Rip the seal or let it stay—
either way, I’m shaking.
Say the word or walk away—
either way, I’m breaking.
I’m not ready / I’m not ready / I’m not—
but I need you. I need you now.

Hold the verdict—don’t bury me yet.
I’m learning how to breathe through the static.
I will speak when I can stand it;
’til then keep the sirens quiet.
In due time I’ll answer for every line—
no mask, no alibi—
but right now I need you close, and time on my side,
while I hide the evidence under my skin tonight.

Truth be told, I know how I feel.
That is the trouble.
That is the prayer.
Leave me one small hour where wanting isn’t proof.